How to Last - There once was a girl named... Page 2
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Wed, Jan. 3rd, 2007 10:58 pm
How to Last

You probably wouldn't know it from looking at me, but I've been in a relationship with the same man for the last five and a half years. We're not married, have never lived together, and currently I live about 1,000 miles away from him.

This is surprising to me for several reasons. I didn't grow up dreaming of weddings, I've got a long line of broken marriages above me, I'm scared of any type of long term committment, and believe it or not I'm not the easiest person to date. I don't self-identify as a girlfriend or part of a couple, it doesn't bring me comfort to know that I'm completed by someone else, and I get itchy at the thought of settling. But, I'm happy with him, he's happy with me, and somehow it works... it helps that he also seems to have the tolerance of some kind of masochist.

To be honest, the years haven't been without a few breaks. We've tried quitting, we've taken breaks, we've discussed futures without each other, and every time we've come back stronger than the time before.

Somehow, we've ended up here. We're long distance, but we talk every day. We miss everyday physical companionship, but we make all attempts to see each other at least once a month. Things aren't always spectacular, but they are often enough to make them seem that much more. I've been told more times than I can count that we should break up. I've moved from talking to people who understand to running out of examples to compare us to. We've gone from rocky to smooth and rocky again, but we've also got ourselves in a nice position where we each live our own individual lives and still want to make the time to share with each other.


Five and a half years isn't really anything, really, but it is enough to have learned a few things. I don't want to make it sound easy. Or perfect. Or even better than any other relationship. But, what's the point of growing if you can't share with others?

And so, you didn't ask for it, but I'm presenting my readers with my 2007 list of How to Make it Last According to Lisa, Or At Least What Worked For Me (including a few pointers from Henry) In No Particular Order

Read more...Collapse )

At least, that's what I think we do. What works for you?


41CommentReply

sgtred
sgtred
Sgt. Honeybox
Fri, Jan. 5th, 2007 01:14 am (UTC)

You're awesome! I agree with others: I love this post, too. Someday I'll get around to reading that book. Just roll your eyes when I ask you for 500th time for the name of it. Or, throw the book at my head.

It makes me sad that people suggested breaking up. :( Wow, though, 5+ years! It doesn't seem that long. It just seems that you're just going with the flow when it's good and fixing the things that aren't working for either of you. Simple, yet so difficult.


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suxdonut
suxdonut
Thee Comixxen
Fri, Jan. 5th, 2007 01:21 am (UTC)

whoooa that is a long time, huge congrats. its not easy and especially when you are making your own rules instead of following the old ones.

and, what a catch, dag! both of youze!


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ex_rachel42
baychic
Fri, Jan. 5th, 2007 06:01 am (UTC)
Unsolicited opinion...

if it seems to be working, enjoy it. why spend any amount of time wondering if it should be, when clearly it is.

don't look for flaws. and no two relationships are the same. The best advice my mom gave me was "only the two people in a relationship know the relationship. outsiders will give you their opinion based on one of their prior relationships. and only lord knows how that turned out."

just be. :)


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lisa
lisa
Lisa Phillips
Fri, Jan. 5th, 2007 06:04 am (UTC)
solicited opinion!

Some more great advice :)


ReplyThread Parent
kupoking
kupoking
kupoking
Sat, Jan. 6th, 2007 02:16 am (UTC)
Wow I have known you both that long !?

2 little lovers sitting in a tree .... K I S S I N G !

I always thought you 2 where all buddy buddy at the EZ :)
Glad to hear you two are still
"enjoying each others company"

-User B-


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miz_ginevra
miz_ginevra
Sat, Jan. 6th, 2007 10:17 pm (UTC)
word.

- love is there, it doesnt go away just because someone says something dumb or you grow and change or move to the other side of the planet. the kind of relationship you have changes, but love is the real stuff.

thanks for posting this. I feel better about having the weirdest relationship I know of. ;)


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mercuzio2liza
mercuzio
Sun, Jan. 14th, 2007 03:50 pm (UTC)

thank you from me too. i didn't understand some of your principles (e.g. Choose your battles) but most of them are really educational to me. You are a great girl. I can only add that you might have a real obssesion about a man in your life, and a natural feeling that you are completed but someone else but that kind of a man just didn't appear in your life yet. and probably nobody ever gonna be matching for such a strong individual like you.


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jurustin
jurustin
jurustin
Wed, Jan. 31st, 2007 04:52 am (UTC)
Some kind words

It's my first time in your journal but I can't stop myself from telling you you are a beautiful journal-writer. I enjoy reding your language (no smiles/no shortening...) and this exciting article.


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c_maxx
c_maxx
Carlton Max
Wed, Jan. 31st, 2007 05:38 pm (UTC)

If it works, that's all that matters. There doesn't appear to be any standard template, as much as some people try to force us into some mold.

Just look at L_j. golly!

List is Exceelent. I believe space and r own life is important.

Am currently doing that marraige thing (just got hitched last year at 55), and plan to continue, but I had to be ready and find one good for me.

And we both do make amends when needed, it helps. Pat is the type A, and I'm mr. relaxed usually, but she'll give in too, for me. When she was a (very small) kid, and would come home scratched and bruised, her father would ask her, how's the other party? She would proudly announce, "He hurt!" Your sister maybe?


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arpeggiata
arpeggiata
Mon, Mar. 12th, 2007 03:54 am (UTC)
LDR's

I stumbled across your post recently and it seems as though you have a really healthy perspective on it.

My limited experience with this sort of thing leads me to think that they must be emotionally exhausting! Perhaps not so with five-plus years behind you. At any rate, I admire anyone anyone who could make such a thing work.

Best of luck with it!


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thorn_plutonius
thorn_plutonius
thorn_plutonius
Fri, Jun. 1st, 2007 10:35 pm (UTC)

Thank you for sharing the fruit of your experience....and for your diligent work behind the curtain.


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