How to Last - There once was a girl named...
The Grrl / In Brief / Her Pictures / Her Roller Derby league September 2010
 
 
 
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
 
 
Wed, Jan. 3rd, 2007 10:58 pm
How to Last

41CommentReply

fisticuffs
fisticuffs
ms.ticuffs
Thu, Jan. 4th, 2007 07:30 am (UTC)
i love this post!

and not just because it's a reminder that great relationships come in all flavors.

it's not always easy, but after taking the time to recognize that the effort is well worth it, even the "work" takes on a different meaning.

I could probably just copy and paste most of what you wrote above, because that's what has worked for us.

bros before hos: i know. cliche, but really. you friends know you better than this new dude. trust their opinions. they're thinking with their brains and not their bodies or emotions. And also, you need your friends.

have your own friends: i know, you really want your lives to be so completely intertwined, but sometimes you just need to get away. that doesn't mean to isolate the two or to lead different lives. but don't forget about your friends and make time for them without your man/woman.

Learn how to fight. We put down a few rules with regard to fights. They mostly revolve around focusing on the problem and avoiding hurt feelings. Mostly we fight clean. So no name calling. No low blows. no bringing up old fights (which is easier when you're not hurting each other in the fights with personal attacks. it's much easier to get over the fight over the forgotten trash if I don't call him a lazy asshole.)

sometimes a fight is really stupid. recognize it. and be able to laugh at yourself. to apologize. or to give each other space to calm down and laugh together.

Remember that you're two different people. Sure we're a couple, but we are still different people. We don't always want the same thing, which leads me to...

do what you want to do. Obviously, we're still respectful of each other, but if I want to go to a party and he doesn't I'll still go if I really want to. He just isn't as social as I am, so I go out and he stays in. We're still doing what we each like to do. and the bonus is that we miss each other and appreciate each other more when we're together.

Make a healthy sex life a priority. that one's worth repeating. it becomes an ugly cycle. no sex = unhappiness in the relationship = lack of desire to have sex = no sex..... just do it. sex is great. you know you love it.

respect each other and who you are. don't expect to change your partner.

be realistic. love isn't about fireworks and puppy dogs. neither of you is perfect. your life together won't be without bumps. don't be afraid to evaluate your relationship and even be negative about it. chances are, something will break over time. ignoring it won't fix it.

okay, i'll second the compliment thing, too. it's easier to feel sexy when you're constantly reminded of what a nice rack you have.


ReplyThread
lisa
lisa
Lisa Phillips
Thu, Jan. 4th, 2007 07:34 am (UTC)
Re: i love this post!

ooh I love these. I wanted to put something about fighting (not just apologizing) but I didn't know how to say, Fighting is Good! without condoning some sort of horrible domestic violence situation. You said it well. Better to fight and get it out than be passive aggressive or just plain steeping in your unhappyness.


ReplyThread Parent
fisticuffs
fisticuffs
ms.ticuffs
Thu, Jan. 4th, 2007 07:46 am (UTC)
Re: i love this post!

i worry about my friends who never fight! not that i think it should be fight night all the time. but you shouldn't be afraid to speak your mind. but you should also realize your partner has a valid opinion, too.

of course, i'm no authority. but i've learned lessons from failed relationships and from the 5 year successful one I'm in now.


ReplyThread Parent
llarian
llarian
The cat that walked by himself
Thu, Jan. 4th, 2007 05:27 pm (UTC)
Re: i love this post!

I was gonna say what worked for me and got me back together (this time for good!) with my girlfriend, but I think you pretty much hit all the good points...

Gonna have to remember some of these that I didn't think of. =)


ReplyThread Parent
fisticuffs
fisticuffs
ms.ticuffs
Thu, Jan. 4th, 2007 08:30 pm (UTC)
Re: i love this post!

wow. i was a little tipsy and rambly up there, huh?

I need to post this somewhere to remind me for when I forget.


ReplyThread Parent
lisa
lisa
Lisa Phillips
Thu, Jan. 4th, 2007 09:26 pm (UTC)
i don't judge

I liked it - tipsy is what makes the internet go 'round.


ReplyThread Parent